These Mickey Mouse emblazoned crisps are for want of a better phrase, squeakin’ awful. How Disney allowed these snacks to be released I’ll never know. Seriously, I feel a brand reputation class action lawsuit coming on because these cheese flavoured maizey mouthfuls are the pits.


If you like Disney’s mascot then the packaging might please. Or even the shape of the crisps, though they can only loosely be described as Mickey Mouse’s head. They could equally be Scottish bagpipe sack, or mutilated cow’s udder, but the drift of the idea is there I guess. They’re also apparently made with 100% sunflower oil (so that’s nice I suppose) and for those who are affected by such things they are gluten free. But that’s pretty much where the positives about these snacks ends.


Made in Spain but found in Abu Dhabi, these ‘queso’ corn crisps really do give cheese flavoured snacks a bad name. The taste is so artificial and nasty. Off-Milk, Rancid-Cheddar or even Sweaty Socks would have been a more accurate description. I know baked corn goods aren’t everyone’s bag but I have to say I usually do enjoy a good non-potato snack. Not this time though. Still in-date, they tasted dry to the point of staleness. Marketed at kids, in a lightweight bag weighing in at just 8g which really is a blessing in disguise, Mooskys should be cute, fun and a tasty treat for your children. Instead, they’re a bally disgrace. Be gone foul demon!


1.5/10 (and that’s just because I feel sorry for the mouse).

I’m not being funny but when concocting flavours for crisps, onion and garlic doesn’t automatically spring to mind. Onion as an accompaniment to cheese, or beef, or even liver (though God forbid some madman actually decides to attempt to make them), yes. But garlic? Flippin’ garlic? With onion?! First of all, aren’t they a bit samey? And secondly, well, the first reason is good enough isn’t it? I mean bulb vegetable and bulb vegetable flavour…what genius decided on that?


Well, a wannabe genius perhaps because these were nowhere near as bad as I was fearing. Maybe it’s the French blood in me (from some ancestry down the line somewhere I’m sure) but I really like garlic. And these crisps, a product of (and found in) the Phillippines (though the packet is mostly in English)  are very garlicky indeed. Ridged so they hold in the flavour particularly well, the garlic hit to these is akin to a post-snail soup dining Thierry Henry trying to snog your face off after France win the European Championships. But as disgusting as that may be (or appealing to some I suppose), eating these isn’t wholly unenjoyable. Not from a flavour point of view. Your mouth does get to differentiate between onion and garlic in fleeting moments whilst chomping away and I rather liked the combo.


But the texture is a let-down. The blurb on the back indicated we’d be dealing with large cuts of crisp but they’re actually rather small. And that’s not helpful when they’re also so light and alas slightly powdery. There’s no clean hard crunch at all and as a consequence the crisps were also broken up a bit in the packet. I’m just glad they’re made from 100% real potatoes. There’s just so many fake potatoes flooding the market these days (sic).


Scoring is difficult given the uniqueness of the flavour which I’d like to see replicated elsewhere, but all in a crisp that flatters to deceive when it comes to the bite. 5/10.

“Curry Squares?!”, I hear you cry. Well, yes Jim, but not as we know them because these little snacks were found in Abu Dhabi and are not generally available in the UK.


However, should Walkers, owners of the Squares brand they bought from previous snack giants Smiths in the UK, decide to broaden their flavour range for Squares then these crisps provide a fine example why they absolutely could, but also why they probably won’t.


If you’re a fan of curries you’ll probably have a favourite style of that Indian-English cuisine, be Tandoori dishes with that clay oven taste, a nice hot Madras, a cheeky classic Balti or maybe even a creamy mild Korma. Not often does one opt for a generic curry, though those do seem to exist on restaurant menus, generally though as a base sauce to accompany of a Biriyani.


These though, possibly in a bid to cover all options, and by doing so not really give itself a stand out USP, are just that a generic curry flavour. I guess German currywurst fans might take exception to such remarks.


Not as overpowering as you might expect when you first take a bite the flavour does certainly linger on the tongue. They’re probably best enjoyed with a nice cold bottle of your common or garden lager which is a shame as they’re proudly made in the UAE (United Arab Emirates) which is of course a dry country with no alcohol available, or at least not to native residents.


They’re certainly square shape as you would bloomin’ well hope given the name. And they definitely have a good crunch, as you might expect of the Squares enjoyed back in blighty but there is something just a little bit odd about the flavour you’re biting into. Not nasty per se but just something a little distracting. I’m not sure what. I’m sure it’s nothing to do with the proud stamp the pack it bears declaring it to be a Winner of an American Award for Quality in 1998, suggesting these were marketed for the tastes of another century!


Basically, they’re alright. But as much as I love a good Rogan Josh, curry crisps have never done it for me although normal Squares have. 4/10.

In the family room of Real Madrid's training grounds - we find Real Madrid's very own crisp.

This seems to be a thing nowdays - football clubs with their own crisps - which is great, but maybe venturing into a flavour would good? This review will be pretty similar to my review of Barcelona's crisps, well they're a bit better.

Pretty standard potato crisps with some salt on them, could do with being a bit thicker.. they are of the quality of the tesco's own value crisps that ended up in my lunchbox as a child, scarring me for life.

This crisps are being modelled by the dashing Roman Kemp.

5/10

Found in New York.

Cold drink at the ready, i'm taking on these fire engulfed babies from across the pond.

The crisp I can instantly see is too thin and in need of crunch - they're super bright red - this is going to hurt. I attack the first one and i'm correct they need more crunch... and owwwww they're burning. The first 10 seconds are actually really good. A lovely spice with a really solid paprika flavouring. After the 10 seconds are up, the real heat starts to hit. Serious afterburn.

They're definitely not for the faint of heart but what a full flavour, spice lovers will really enjoy these. I'll allow the thinness because of the great flavour.

Yum!


8/10

"Because We Give a Chip!"

Found in New York, New York.

And what a slogan! Deep river snacks hit the kettle cooked market hard, and hard is exactly what they are. these crisp give excellent crunch. 

It's great when you come across a crisp that has such amazing crunch without being caked in oil. These are dry enough, without being over dry. The flavour is super oniony and super sweet.

So might say a little too sweet, but on this Autumnal day cooped up inside - these are going down a treat. A large bag of these would probably make me yak, but what a great crunch from this snack-attack.

7/10

Wowee is this a good time to be alive or what?!!

Not only have I discovered that my local newsagents in Stamford Hill sell my favourite crisps of all time - erdnuss flips (peanut butter wotsits) but they also stock a variation!!!

Yes that's right - peanutty wotsits with mexican vibezzzzzzz. Peanutty amazingness with a sharp tangy salsa. Kinda good, kinda strange.

But mostly good. If you see erdnuss flips on the shelf - shove them in your face, if you've overdosed - mix it up with a bit of chilli - then hit the peanut again and hard. It's a recipe for success.

7/10


*please note that although they were found in London - these are German.

Found in France.

When I found these I literally thought they were going to be the best thing since sliced potato.

My favourite crisps are flips - essentially peanut butter wotsits.. but I absolutely love the crunch and texture of nik-naks. So combining these could be the best thing in the world. 

The flavouring here is what lets it down, peanut crisps need to be pretty greasy to work, these are just way too dry, the crisp way too flaky.

Such a shame.

3/10

Found in France.


Crisps for peanut addicts.... Yes please!!! As you all know, my favourite crisps of all time are Erdnuss flips. Peanutty goodness embodied.

Well these are they! Only they have a different feel to the wotsit-like variety I'm so in love with, they are thick with an awesome crunch, and are overflowing with peanut butter... A real peanut lovers fantasy..

10/10